Throwback #IVF3

We regrouped and acknowledged that the ship was sinking and we had to take it to shore and fix it before going back to the stormy ocean. We did the work required and we started to feel like ourselves again, we were replenished and looking forward to taking the next step. We decided we would try two more times and if it does not work we would leave it to destiny. May 2010 we started again with the process and again fabulous eggs were produced and implanted in my uterus, again I was pregnant. There was no celebration this time, we told no one and just prayed on our own. We went for our scan and there were two small but very powerful heartbeats. I could not stomach anything. During this time I had visited my mother and she was cooking tomato gravy, I never knew one would want to die just from smelling something but the smell was so revolting I just wanted to die right there. I greeted and found a way to leave as soon as possible before I could give myself away. We went on with our lives and didn’t even discuss or plan for anything. There was that knowing that it could all end without notice and we would come crushing down as we had before. I was doing everything possible to sustain this pregnancy – I had even told my employer that I would not be the able to work overtime and would need time off when required to make sure that my stress levels remained as low as possible. I got home and rested for a few hours, when I woke up - there was that dreaded bleeding and cramping, I knew how this would unfold. I expected it and surrendered myself to the process and in a few hours it was over. There was a third grave in by womb, my body was a weapon of destruction.