If it is from God, hold on to it with all you have

Friends and family members who were not aware of our situation would always ask, when are we holding the little ones and each time someone asked I would just lose it because of my situation.  I did not want to be explaining my medical problems to everyone and if someone else told me to be patient and wait I was going lose my mind! 

I started to self-medicate with food and my weight spiralled out of control. My husband was working shifts and on some nights I would come to a house that now seemed too big since we bought it with hopes of filling it with little people and now it was just empty. I re-invested myself in my work and my sorrow was absorbed by a busy diary.

This was a moment of weakness but definitely not a move of surrender; I am wired in a peculiar way, I’m not the type that gives up easily.  Remember I had a dream and I was holding on to it with everything I have.  It was from God after all.

Finally my total deliverance came, I remember having watched a story in my youth – it was a talk show of a woman who could never get over the death of her child.  Sometime had passed since the death of her child and she just could not shake the grief.  I remember the guest specialist telling her to imagine there were millions of children in heaven holding candles and every time she cried she put out her child’s candle with her tears.  I was hurting, confused, disappointed and felt like I had failed myself, my husband and God but the recollection of this story gave me strength to press on and the will to smile in spite of my circumstances.

I learnt that if a message, dream or vision is from God we must hold on to it with our lives if at all possible.  To lose focus would be to lose a destiny tailored just for us.