My Hero

Looking back I cannot believe I am standing and living a joyous life.  I went through the most painful of losses when I miscarried 5 babies and except for my first pregnancy which also ended in a miscarriage I was never able to conceive outside Invitro fertilisation.  Although it happened a few times there was no getting used to this pain.

Economics gave us an ultimatum, we only had a budget to try one more time and faced with this hurdle and knowing that IVF did not guarantee a happy ending we started exploring adoption.  To give up the dream of a baby bump was difficult; all the same we grieved that ideal and let go.

The twins were 9 days old when we met and I remember that day just like it was yesterday.  I looked at them and I knew that we were meant to be, our undesirable circumstances had brought us together but we were all going to be fine.  Loving them transformed me from a woman who came home to a quiet house, got into the shower to drown the sounds of my weeping with the sounds of water to one who comes home to laughter and hugs.  Just in that moment my pillows would never again be wet from the tears of my sorrow and pain.  Their love and acceptance healed me in a way I never thought possible.  I am convinced now more than ever that everything happens for a reason and in life there are no coincidences.  Sure, I wish I never needed their mother – but I would not have them and I don’t want any other but them. 

Behind the scenes was a man who put aside his pain to make sure that every fall from hope was cushioned.  He stood with me through it all and never once complained.  He is one of the many good men walking on our land and for as long as I live I will honour all that he has been and continues to be to me and our children.   He is my Hero.